I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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