I can text with my tongue
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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