I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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