I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
