ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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