Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize