Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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