I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
