"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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