she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wear drunk well.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
