You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
