oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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