I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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