I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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