I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
