Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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