Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
