I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
