Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
