just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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