What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
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I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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