k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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