Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
