i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
