There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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