She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
