I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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