My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
