is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
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i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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