so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Damn victory sex feels great
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize