oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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