I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
A+ Viking dick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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