I can text with my tongue
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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