Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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