is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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