...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
