there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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