I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
