wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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