this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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