so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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