go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
