Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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