i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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