Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
