8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
