Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
