oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize