I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
