This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
