Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
