sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
