belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
this hospital has no fireball
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
