Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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