The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
