also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
