So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
