This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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