She announced her abortion via fbk
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
not ubering you a puppy
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
