oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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