I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
