I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
