I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
