Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
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I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
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When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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