Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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