i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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