guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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