sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
