she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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