don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
