her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
