Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
