I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i now understand why vodka
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
