"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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