Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
