I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You can't special order awesome
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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