Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
