i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
