perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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